Saturday, December 01, 2007
I just got home, and I can't sleep.

Yeah. And just now I was fucking lethargic. Now I feel so damn restless. Pantat.
I think right, my heart's telling me to start drawing again. I remember when I threw myself into it, drawing at every single moment I can. In class, at home, doing homework, in the MRT, on tables, on chairs, on walls, wherever. Now? I draw one thing, and I get tired. The fervousness (fervosity?) is gone. But methinks it is coming back! Which is great!

Anyway.

I miss the Tasty Bunch. Sarah. Atiqah. Han. Shahidah. I miss you guys! Like, so fucking much!

I know work and school have pretty much monopolized my life, and I have little or no time to do other things. And I have neglected my besties :(

You guys made life in Anderson worthwhile. I remember Sarah was the first ever friend I made. She made Maths lessons with Su Tee (actually, every lesson lah eh) a riot, with us talking bloody nonsense and irritating the hell out of him (remember the umbrella incident?). Han and her face mutations that never fail to make me laugh my ass off. Going over to Sarah's for movie marathons and cooking sessions. Atiqah's place for Burnout Revenge and free food.

I miss all that.

Remember the incident with Ain? You guys were there for me, and that really meant a lot. It still does.

Back then(cheh) when I was still boyfriend-dependant, you guys made the breakups feel half as bad. Like they say, boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever.

<3

Can't wait for Xmas shopping.




Yeah, the feeling of wanting, or needing a boyfriend, has died long ago. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to invest(yeah, invest) my feelings in somebody of the opposite sex now. No, I'm not turning gay, even though I love girls, but I love girls in a straight kinda way you know?

Mmm. Anyway.

After what happened with Hanif, I guess this is how I am now. He hurt me like nobody has ever done before, and by doing that, changing a major part of myself. It's not that I'm afraid that I will get hurt again, or whatever kind of pussy nonsense people say when they get dumped, cheated on or whatever. Of course, shortly after the incident, I did feel fucked-up, like Fuck all men, they're all jerks and assholes and fucktards.

Don't worry, I'm fine now. It's just that I know I can find happiness outside of a guy's arms, in the company of friends, in work and in art. I do have baggage, but it's all zipped up and kept away now.

I mean, honestly, even I myself am weirded out by my behaviour sometimes. I try to find that part of me, that part that wants to be one half of a couple, that part that wants a hand to hold, that wants a nice boy to rely on, but I can't find it! I'm serious!

Oh wells.

Imah asked me, "Fiq, are you happy being single?"

I said, "Honestly, I don't know. But I am happy enough I guess."

Then I thought for a few more seconds.

"Actually I am happy. Yeah. I am."

Hahah. Says it all, no?

Good morning people. Cheers.