Thursday, June 07, 2007
I have been emotionally unstable for the past few days. My mind's been in a whirl and I've been extremely annoyed at myself for being such a FOOL, honestly speaking. I've never been more annoyed at myself. Never. Okay, maybe there were such instances but... you know what I mean.

I hate to call it depression, because it sounds so medical, but I guess it's the only way to term it. It's not exactly sadness, but it's a mix of resignation, regret and misery, with a tinge of hysteria and anger. Except I don't know what exactly I'm angry at, so you could add confusion and uncertainty to the mix I guess. Wooh, talk about unstability.

Sometimes everything seems so pointless. Like, why even bother putting hope into something when it turns out just like the others? I mean, I wouldn't know if it would turn out that way, but after it happens so many times, I'm like, why do I even freaking bother.


So I'm not going to.


Adding on to the misery, I failed my bar test. Utterly goddamn miserably.

When Dean asked me if I was ready, I knew I wasn't, but I just wanted to get it done and over with. BIG MISTAKE. I should have paced myself, made sure of each and every minute detail, and ensured that I was fully confident of not making any mistakes before I decided to go through with it. I thought I could just scrape through, but that was seriously a stupid thought to entertain.

I screwed up my latte and mocha TWICE because they were underweight, I didn't time my espresso shots, and I totally blanked out at chai tea latte. Digressing, I don't understand chai tea, seriously. It smells disgusting, looks even more disgusting, and people still drink it. And because of bloody chai tea, I screwed up my bar test big time! Bodoh nye chai tea. Rawr.

And I kept spilling milk. That was really my breaking point. I don't know why but I feel extremely incompetent whenever the milk I'm pouring spills. Then I panic and get really frustrated and everything falls apart.

Add to the depression I was having prior to that, and you get a winning formula to FAIL.




But being me, I always cheer up in the end, even if the problems do not get resolved. So, I'm retaking my bar test ( or in Dean' words: We'll pretend this bar test never happened, and I'll see you for your first bar test on Saturday 10 am okay! ) on Saturday, and I am going to pass, I DONT CARE. I will force myself to pass.

Other than the bar test and depression, yesterday was actually quite a fun day. I did POS, tried to recommend the new summer promo drinks, which is the Azuki Red Bean Frapuccinos, and a few food items, got slightly discouraged after not even one person wanted to try them. But in the end I managed to sell around 10 Azuki items though. Accomplishment! Go Azuki!

There were two young girls who first came in and ordered "Fresh Orange." I was like huh? We sell oranges?? They meant orange juice. Then they came in again and ordered "espresso". I'm like huh? Sure or not? Like, pure espresso shots leh. Then I explained to them the menu board, and they were like, "Uh, anything with milk lah..." So I gave them iced latte. Haha. Funny.

Today I'm doing closing. Fun fun fun.







There's still remnants of the misery, but I'll try to put it away.